we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
