I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry my hands just texted you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
