really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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