Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
