did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize