It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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