checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
