clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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