Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
