I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
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Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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