I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
