she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
