You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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