Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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