Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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