I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
