i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
