Nicole vs. Life
He is an equal opportunity slut.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
