i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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