i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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