I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
