operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
