so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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