his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
