if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
