Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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