I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
MIDGETS
????
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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