I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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