I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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