I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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