ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
