I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
