im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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