Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
