i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
