Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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