I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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