During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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