everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
