that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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