you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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