elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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