His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
