There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
