Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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