You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
