Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
