I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
