i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
