did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
