Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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