I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
