party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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