i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
