jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
