mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
