he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
