Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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