I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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