Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
