So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.