Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.