It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think my moral compass just broke
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