A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off