She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?