is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.