Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.

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(512): I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone. http://tfl.nu/t7gq

Replies (19) Good night (1263) Bad night (3198)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.

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(303): Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her. http://tfl.nu/gotu

Replies (58) Good night (3928) Bad night (1108)
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(409): View more from Texas

It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.

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(409): It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself. http://tfl.nu/yf3o

Replies (34) Good night (4231) Bad night (860)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy

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(480): Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy http://tfl.nu/pa3a

Replies (32) Good night (2258) Bad night (3497)
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(316): View more from Kansas

Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

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(316): Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter? http://tfl.nu/61dy

Replies (34) Good night (4095) Bad night (933)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.

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(610): You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/svs8

Replies (20) Good night (11263) Bad night (1509)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.

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(318): I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning. http://tfl.nu/5etp

Replies (4) Good night (3713) Bad night (846)
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(705): View more from Ontario

My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.

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(705): My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/aval

Replies (4) Good night (2406) Bad night (963)
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(239): View more from Florida

Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.

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(239): Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different. http://tfl.nu/tl6x

Replies (4) Good night (2272) Bad night (675)
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(212): View more from New York

LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.

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(212): LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen. http://tfl.nu/na6f

Replies (5) Good night (1382) Bad night (418)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.

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(218): So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/i9rc

Replies (5) Good night (467) Bad night (699)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!

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(217): Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome! http://tfl.nu/ig6m

Replies (1) Good night (420) Bad night (308)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?

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(248): Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me? http://tfl.nu/52b0

Replies (1) Good night (534) Bad night (294)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions

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(508): So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions http://tfl.nu/lzc7

Replies (1) Good night (280) Bad night (389)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?

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(615): Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH? http://tfl.nu/vznl

Replies (7) Good night (335) Bad night (402)

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