i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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