2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
